Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Top 10 Myspace cliches

Okay, if you don't use myspace regularly, you probably won't enjoy this. But if you do, here are 10 things that seem to come up over and over again...

10.) the obligatory picture compliments - usually found on girl's pages, this is where someone posts a picture of themselves, and regardless of how good or bad the picture is, all of their friends leave comments telling them how good they look. Examples include - "Girl, you're so hot! <3" or "You are so beautiful! <3" or "Wow! Love the new pic! You are so gorgeous! <3"

9.) the color-blind profile - this is where people decide to test the limits of your vision by setting the text on their page to be camoflauge with their backgroundsay, all black text up against an all black background. In order to read anything on their page, you have to scroll the text down in hopes that you'll be able to get it over a section of their background that contrasts enough to make it viewable.

8.) myspace parents - there are two kinds of myspace parents - those who are clearly proud they are parents, and those who obviously had a little too much wine one night and are still regretting it. The proud parents have pictures of their kids all over their page, blogs about the cute things their kid did that day, etc. The other type of parent has nothing but pictures of themselves, usually out clubbing or getting hammered, and maybe one or two mentions of their parental status. They are clearly trying to hide the fact that they are a parent so they won't run members of the opposite sex away, or they're trying to convince themselves that their life hasn't been altered by being a parent and they're still free to do what they want. These parents are the best argument I'm aware of for state regulated reproduction.

7.) myspace technical problems - here's a myspace clich for ya'...IT NEVER WORKS. At least once a day I receive one message telling me that someone's profile is down, or my profile is down, or the whole site is down. The fact that this infuriates me as much as it does is a testament to how addictive myspace has become. I turn into this paranoid basketcase who would step over his own mother to get to any potential new messages or comments I might have. I'm not really sure why, as I'm yet to receive a message that was so life changing that it was worth getting that angry. "Wow, it's a good thing myspace started working so I could see that Kyle left me a message informing me that I'm gay"

6.) myspace tramps - these are the girls who have 200 friends, 190 of whom are guys. These are sad because these girls always have pictures of themselves surrounded by large groups of guys, and you know that every single guy in the picture thinks he's the one that she likes. She also has tons of comments from them, and it's usually pretty easy to decipher what is going on in this guys head. For example "Hey, haven't heard from you in awhile! I'd love to see you soon!" really means "You led me on like all of the others, didn't you, you harlot? Why can't you just be cool about this? I wanna be with you!".

5.) myspace shirtless guy - you know exactly what I'm talking about. this is the guy who has been working out a lot lately, and myspace is his forum to show the world what he's packing under that shirt. What this guy will never admit is that his ultimate prayer and hope is that tons of girls will find his site and start sending him random messages requesting hookups. This, of course, will never happen.

4.) myspace inside jokes - these are comments that people leave on each others page where no one except them has a clue what they are talking about. "Hey Amy, you still making out with gophers and leprachauns! Ha ha ha - miss you girl!" or "Jack, you found any tire irons in your hat lately!" Often times they are things that I can't see being funny under any conceivable circumstance, but who knows...

3.) myspace haram - this is the guy who has packed his top 8 friends with the hottest girls he knows, in hopes of leading people to believe that he is constantly in the company of a haram of gorgeous women. These are typically the shallowest people on myspace.

2.) myspace "surprise" songs - this is where you go on someone's page, but what you don't realize is that, lurking in the shadows, a song is loading... You are reading their "about me" section, and suddenly, out of nowhere, this loud, obnoxious song starts. Gotcha! This one gets me everytime, and I always have to stop what I'm doing, go hit pause, then go back to whereever I was. I'm yet to find that the song actually enhances the experience of viewing someone's page. "Wow, reading what your favorite books are to the musical stylings of David Crowder - this is great!"

1.) myspace "false modesty girl" - this is where a girl posts a picture of herself that is incredibly sexy and hot, but she gives it some stupid caption in hopes of seeming like the modest girl who doesn't know how hot she is. Like she's laying in bed in a thong or something, and the comment reads "look at my bad morning hair!". We're not idiots - you didn't put that picture up because you thought we'd be amused by your bad morning hair.

2 Comments:

Blogger Kurt A. Tasche said...

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8:50 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

I laughed SO hard at this. lol. very funny and true.

8:33 PM  

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